


Right Back Where I Began

by giselleslash



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 09:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giselleslash/pseuds/giselleslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin are friends, and each others go to for the in between times, but maybe they were together all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right Back Where I Began

“Oh god,” Merlin laughed, “we’re going to get caught.”

Arthur looked at him all innocence and barely contained laughter. “Oh well?”

Merlin smiled at him and went back to kissing him.

One week of kissing your best mate in empty classrooms, locker rooms, well, any available room, actually, they came across wasn’t enough to wear away the novelty. Or the excitement. Or the way just looking at Arthur’s mouth now made Merlin embarrassingly, wretchedly, hopelessly hard.

Not like he didn’t already spend the entirety of his fourteen year old life teetering on the edge of a constant erection anyway, but Arthur had only made it worse. So much worse with his, _’Merlin, let’s just practice so we’ll know, when, like, we get to, um, kiss someone.’_ But who was Merlin to point fingers when he’d said, _’Yeah, a’right.’_ pretty much instantly.

Arthur’s hands were on Merlin’s waist, gripping and kneading at his trousers, and Merlin sort of wished they’d start to wander. Arthur’s hands had taken to wandering since the day before and Merlin liked the way they’d sneak over his arse, like Arthur was being all cool and stealthy, which he so wasn’t, but then Arthur’d tighten his hold on Merlin’s arse and it’d make Merlin breathe harder in Arthur’s mouth and push himself into him so hard all he wanted to do was rub himself against Arthur’s hip.

Merlin tangled his fingers in the ends of Arthur’s hair, at his nape, and tugged maybe a little too hard as he impatiently shoved his tongue in Arthur’s mouth and thought that all of their practicing was really going to pay off someday.

~*~

Merlin looked down to see what Gwen was drawing on his arm. She’d commandeered it when they’d sat down on the bleachers to watch Arthur finish up at football practice. Now there were black swirls and the tentacles of some strange sea creature that had, up to that moment, existed only in Gwen’s brain running all up and down his forearm.

“Should I be worried?” Merlin asked her as he gave the tentacles a significant look.

“Not everything is about penises.”

“Well, it should be.”

Gwen didn’t bother to look up, only blew a stray curl off her forehead with an annoyed puff of breath. Merlin looked back out at the pitch just in time to see Gwaine foul Arthur and Arthur wind himself up for an epic strop, but Percy casually walked by and picked Arthur up by his waist as he went on his way to the sidelines. Merlin laughed at the expression that crossed Arthur’s face before he started laughing too and contented himself with sending Gwaine a two fingered salute instead.

Gwen looked up when Merlin laughed then turned her attention to the pitch and smiled too since Arthur was still dangling a bit off the ground, Percy’s arm still around his waist.

“Arthur’s such an idiot,” she said but when Merlin looked over at her to agree he caught her blushing, her eyes still on Arthur. Merlin nodded even though he knew she wasn’t looking at him. “Is he really dating Vivian like they say?” Gwen asked, far too casually.

Merlin snorted. “No. That’d mean he’d actually have had to talk to her. Arthur’s like a mute around girls. He’s a stunted mental case.”

Gwen smiled and Merlin wasn’t sure if it was because of what he’d said about Arthur’s stunning lack of skills with girls or the fact that he wasn’t dating Viv.

He looked back at Arthur; sweaty and golden and stupid in the late afternoon sun, and decided he really didn’t want to know.

~*~

“Merlin. God. Fucking ow, don’t stick it _there_.”

Merlin sat back on his heels and stared at Arthur from between his spread legs. “But that’s where I’m _supposed_ to stick it. Where else is it going to go?”

“In my ear, Merlin,” Arthur said sarcastically as he glared at him. Merlin was actually fairly impressed that Arthur managed to look arrogant and waspish while totally naked and spread eagle. “I know it’s supposed to go _there_.”

“Then why’d you tell me not to stick it there?”

“I think you’re doing it all wrong. Let’s switch, I did a far better job of this yesterday.”

“Hardly, I just didn’t whinge as much as you.”

“You’re such a trooper, here’s your gold star,” Arthur said as he gave Merlin the finger.

“Whatever. It’s my turn today,” Merlin said and hoped he didn’t sound as petulant to Arthur’s ears as he did to his own.

“Fine, get on with it then,” Arthur said as he waved his hand at Merlin and hiked his heels up onto Merlin’s shoulders. “You’re absolute pants at this though.”

“Says the super stud that yelled, _’Oh my god, my finger’s in your arse. Gross.’_ yesterday.”

“Shut up, Merlin.”

Merlin shut up, and pretended like he’d totally planned to come the second he got the tip of his cock inside Arthur’s arse. At least Arthur’d gotten a couple of strokes in before he’d started jerking around and making faces like a monkey.

Hm. Maybe Merlin really was pants at this.

~*~

Merlin smiled at Freya when she asked if he’d like to split a dessert. She was so sweet, and smart, and pretty. God, Freya was so pretty. Merlin sort of fell in love with her dark eyes and brown hair and the way she was so quiet until you got to know her and found out she had a wicked sense of humor.

He’d kissed her not an hour before at the cinema while a film neither one of them were watching flickered across the screen in front of them. She was soft and tasted really, really good, but Merlin hadn’t really known where to put his hands or what else he should do. She wasn’t easy to figure out like Arthur, but Arthur was a couple of seats away from them kissing Gwen like he was attempting to crawl down her throat so he obviously didn’t have the same problem as Merlin.

But Freya seemed to be okay with simply holding his hand and kissing, which made Merlin rather smug because obviously _he_ was being a gentleman and not trying to shove his hand between Freya’s legs like some sort of deviant pervert.

Arthur really was a massive lout.

“Yeah, sure,” Merlin told Freya and she smiled back at him. “Dessert sounds good.”

“Yeah, but nothing chocolate. Merlin’s some sort of weirdo that doesn’t like chocolate,” Arthur said from across the table.

Freya looked at him questioningly and Merlin shrugged. “I don’t like chocolate.”

“That’s fine,” Freya said at the same time Arthur said, “See. Weirdo.”

“It’s not weird to not like chocolate,” Merlin said to Arthur.

“Maybe not weird, but definitely not normal,” Arthur said.

“Isn’t that the definition of weird, you knob?” Merlin asked.

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Honestly, you two, it’s not like you’re sharing a dessert so stop nattering like a couple of old ladies.”

“Yeah, well, I would never share a dessert with Merlin now would I, since he’s challenged in the art of normal dessert consumption. He once got a second order of chips as a dessert. Who does that?”

“Someone who’s hungry?” Gwen suggested.

“So pie it is. Mmm, I love pie,” Freya said rather loudly which made Arthur look at her for a second or two before he started laughing.

Merlin smiled at Freya when she started to laugh too, strangely proud of her for making Arthur laugh in that really loud and obnoxious way that Merlin sort of loved.

~*~

Merlin wouldn’t say he was happy Arthur and Gwen had broken up but he wasn’t exactly heartbroken either. Gwen hadn’t been right for Arthur anyway and they were far better off as friends.

Which Merlin told Arthur. Repeatedly. But he still moped around for nearly two weeks and Merlin was never entirely sure if it was because he’d actually gotten over Gwen or if Freya telling him he couldn’t go on their dates with them anymore, not by himself anyway, that made him snap out of it.

Even though Arthur went back to being Arthur; a bit of a dick, unintentionally hilarious, and sort of ridiculously kind when he wanted to be, Merlin still thought that Freya had been a bit harsh to flat out tell Arthur he couldn’t go out with them. It wasn’t like Arthur was doing any harm, he was just in a bit of a mood, and what was Merlin supposed to do? Just let him sit at home alone, wallowing?

Merlin didn’t quite get the look she gave him when he told her he thought they should maybe just be friends. It wasn’t like he’d been rude about it.

But, whatever, it was the end of the quarter and he had finals coming out of his arse so he really didn’t have time to worry about where to put his hands, or worry if he was using too much tongue, or for relationships that were just too complicated. Merlin needed things to be the opposite of complicated, less stress not more stress.

And besides, Arthur was a better kisser anyway.

~*~

Merlin didn’t want to think about the fact that in less than eight hours Arthur’d be leaving. He just wanted to close his eyes and commit to memory the way Arthur felt as he moved in and out of him, how they’d finally figured it out, and how they were always there for one another to fall back on even if Arthur had inexplicably dated Gwaine for those three weeks in November of Year Twelve and Merlin had made the awful mistake of dating Lance for three months before he figured out he was in love with Gwen.

There were others for the both of them but Arthur was always there for the in between. And he was still the easiest thing in the world for Merlin to understand. He was never incomprehensible or mysterious or confusing, not in any sort of way, he was just Arthur. He’d always been just Arthur. Since they were eight years old.

And Merlin wanted him to always be Arthur, but in the morning he was leaving for Christ Church and the day after that Merlin was leaving for Aberdeen and King’s College, which might as well be in Antarctica as far as Merlin was concerned, and it felt like a goodbye that Merlin wasn’t ready to say.

“I wish you were going with me,” Arthur whispered in his ear, and it wasn’t anything he hadn’t said before, or Merlin hadn’t thought before, but it was very very real just then.

“Me too,” Merlin said, and for a brief moment he wondered if he really needed to go to university at all because wouldn’t he be fine if it was just him and Arthur against the world?

~*~

“I’m pretty sure Leon didn’t give me the key to his room so we could have sex on his bed,” Arthur laughed as Merlin rolled off of him and let out an exaggerated sigh, his jeans still around his ankles.

“Yeah, well, that’s Leon’s problem. I never took him for stupid but apparently he’s failed to notice what we do every time I visit you.”

“But what does any of that have to do with us doing it on his bed?” Arthur asked as he kicked up his leg so he could catch his jeans as they flopped back at him. Merlin had managed to yank hard enough to get one of Arthur’s legs out of them before tackling him back onto Leon’s bed. Merlin grinned when Arthur squirmed and shimmied and lifted up his hips to get his jeans and underwear pulled back up. “I was just supposed to water his stupid plants.”

“What twenty year old guy owns plants?” Merlin asked as he shoved his hand up under Arthur’s jumper and settled it on his stomach.

“Leon.”

Merlin laughed at the succinct way Arthur said Leon’s name, like it was just a given that Leon was a bit of a stick, and pushed his face into the side of Arthur’s neck. He smelled like the winter wind they’d walked through to get to Leon’s room and Merlin felt an inexplicable tug in his gut, his cock growing heavy again like he hadn’t just fucked Arthur not five minutes before. Just from the smell of him.

He felt Arthur’s arm wrap around him as he turned into him and hitched his leg up over Merlin’s bare hip. Arthur rolled his own hips a bit, pushed himself against Merlin like he knew every little thing Merlin was feeling and was arrogantly showing off that knowledge. Merlin let out a puff of hot breath against Arthur’s skin when his cock brushed against the soft denim of Arthur’s old, worn out jeans, the touch of the fabric nearly painful, but deliciously so. Arthur turned his head toward Merlin’s and nosed at him until he lifted up his head enough that Arthur could kiss him.

“Well, as long as the damage is already done,” Arthur said as his hand moved over the slight curve of Merlin’s arse and he hitched his hips up into Merlin once again.

“Might as well,” Merlin said against Arthur’s lips.

~*~

Merlin tore open the package Arthur had sent him and a strange sort of panic settled down on him when he saw what it was.

Why had Arthur gotten him a Valentine’s Day present? Merlin hadn’t gotten him one. They didn’t do that. They just didn’t. Why was Arthur changing the rules now?

“Oh, a milk tray, open it up,” Elena said as she leaned over the package of chocolates Arthur had sent Merlin.

Merlin stuttered a bit and managed to get out an, “Okay,” before opening up the box and laughing himself sick with relief and the sheer idiocy of Arthur.

Elena frowned. “Most of them are gone, what kind of arse sends a used box of chocolates?”

“Arthur Pendragon,” Merlin said happily as he shoved the box at Elena. “Here, you can have them. I hate chocolate.”

“Hey, these are all orange truffles,” Elena called out to Merlin as he started walking down the hall to his room.

“Yeah, I know,” Merlin said over his shoulder. “They’re Arthur’s least favorite.”

~*~

“I can’t believe all of this is yours,” Merlin said. He and Arthur were laid out side by side on their backs in the middle of Arthur’s empty flat, hands clasped between them. “It’s like you’re an official grown-up now.”

Arthur laughed. “And that’s not at all a very childish thing to say.”

“What?” Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur.

“Saying, ‘officially grown-up.’ You do know actual grown-ups don’t call themselves grown-ups.”

“Well they should.”

Arthur turned to Merlin and smiled and Merlin reached over to brush his fingers over Arthur’s lips. He couldn’t believe they were finally in the same city again after being apart for so long. They’d visited each other as often as they could at university but the logistics of it were so difficult at times that Merlin had gone months on end without seeing Arthur.

It had never felt right. All those days in between.

No matter how many people he dated, or friends he made, none of them were Arthur. Nor did Merlin want them to be. There was only one Arthur.

Merlin had come over to Arthur’s flat the moment he got in from Aberdeen and they’d fallen into each other, fucked on the hardwood floors as their voices echoed through the empty flat. Merlin bruised his knees and ached all over and he couldn’t remember being happier than he was right then.

Afterward they’d sat talking, naked, for hours. Around anyone else Merlin always felt scrawny and all angles, awkward and shy, with Arthur it didn’t matter because he’d seen every part of Merlin anyway and there was nothing left to hide. And sometimes, when Arthur touched him, he felt like he could be beautiful, in a way, if only ever to Arthur.

Sometimes he wanted to tell Arthur things like that. Just to see. But he never did even though he knew Arthur would never mock him and would only look at him with kind eyes because, somehow, seeing only kindness instead of an affirmation that, to Arthur, he _was_ beautiful would feel infinitely more painful than embarrassment alone.

When they’d dressed and gone to get some food Arthur asked for a second order of chips for dessert and Merlin laughed, glad that he hadn’t said anything because they were friends first and foremost and that had to be better than anything else.

~*~

“Merlin, you’re twenty-four years old, when are you going to get a real job?”

“I’ve got a real job.”

“Lazing about in a bookstore all day is not a real job.”

“I don’t laze about.”

“Well you put on a good show of acting like you do everytime I drop by to get you for lunch.”

“So stop dropping by to get me for lunch and it’ll cease to bother you.”

“Oh, you see, that’s where you’re wrong. I’ll think about it even more then. I’ll sit there and think, _’I wonder if Merlin is being a lazy muppet today? My guess, probably yes.’_ And then I’ll never get any proper work done.”

“You need to get a new hobby, Arthur.”

“Why should I when you’re so damn entertaining?”

~*~

Merlin had never expected Arthur and Elena to get along like they did. She’d come to visit him from the wilds of Wales, which is what Arthur called Cardiff and what made Elena ask him if maybe he wasn’t slightly off somehow, you know, mentally?

Apparently insults were the way to Arthur’s heart.

Merlin had sat and watched them talk. And talk and talk and talk. And argue and bicker and then talk some more. All the while he wondered why his side hurt like bitter little spikes were poking him every time Elena made Arthur laugh.

When Elena got up to go to the toilet Arthur had smiled at Merlin and asked him where he’d kept a grand girl like that all this time? Merlin had said, _’Under my bed, Arthur, where I keep all the girls I collect.’_ Arthur had only laughed and called Merlin a creepy pervert before Elena was back and the two of them were off again.

Merlin had tried not to feel left behind.

~*~

It had been years and years since Merlin had last seen Gwaine. He’d left for the far off regions of anywhere-but-England and had only come back here and there, maybe for a wedding or a Christmas or two. He never stayed long and Merlin had rarely seen him when he actually was back.

But Gwen and Lance’s wedding was cause for a reunion, so long in coming, but so inevitable.

“Took them long enough,” Gwaine said.

“Nearly ten years,” Merlin agreed.

“It’s nice, though,” Gwaine said. “To see a couple stay together that long, and stay happy.”

“I don’t know how they manage it.”

Gwaine had given Merlin an odd look. “I think you and Arthur have managed just fine as well.”

“But it’s different with friends, isn’t it?” Merlin asked. “It’s so much easier.”

Gwaine nodded, seemingly satisfied with Merlin’s response. “It definitely makes the relationship better when you’re best mates too.”

It was then that the wheels started turning and Merlin realized what Gwaine was saying, what he thought, and he wondered how much he’d had to drink exactly that it had taken him so long to suss out that Gwaine thought he and Arthur were together. And, in a way, he supposed it was an honest mistake but it still made his face heat up and an awkward sort of laugh fall from his mouth.

“Oh, we’re not -. Arthur and I,” Merlin stuttered. “We haven’t ever. It wasn’t like that.”

Gwaine laughed and Merlin wondered what was so funny about that? It wasn’t actually funny at all, not even a little bit, because he and Arthur were a lot of things but they were never that. Even if Merlin sometimes wanted to say stupid and reckless things to Arthur from time to time, they were never that. And Merlin sort of hated Gwaine in that moment, for putting the thought in his head, that maybe all along -.

“Mate,” Gwaine said as he gave Merlin’s shoulder a squeeze, “I don’t know your definition but you two have been dating since you were fourteen. Maybe a few blips in there along the way, but trust me, you two have been dating.”

Merlin felt the heat prickle up the back of his neck and over the top of his head, the embarrassment of it was white hot.

Gwaine didn’t seem to notice, or care about Merlin’s silence because he just looked back at Gwen and Lance laughing together all bright and beautiful and said, “After all, it’s just about whose bed you call home at the end of the day, isn’t it?”

Gwaine made it sound flippant, but it wasn’t, not really, because it really was only about where your home was and who you laid down beside at night.

And Merlin realized, whether he was physically able to or not, he’d laid himself down beside Arthur every single night since he’d first kissed him when they were both fourteen and stupid and horny and about to embark on something bigger than they could have ever comprehended.

~*~

Arthur had taken Merlin home with him because he’d maybe had a bit too much to drink and Arthur’s place was so much closer, and really, Merlin had just wanted to go _home_. Especially after realizing all the years he’d spent lost.

Merlin had dug through Arthur’s drawers for a pair of his pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, even though Merlin had three drawers and clothes of his own, because Arthur’s had always been so much better anyway.

Everything Arthur had always been so much better.

Merlin pulled off his suit in a huff and yanked on the pyjamas. He sighed loudly as he flopped down into a slouch at the foot of Arthur’s bed. Arthur turned to look at him, clearly amused by his self-induced drama.

“Can I help you?” Arthur asked.

“Gwaine’s sort of a shit, isn’t he?”

“Um, yeah. This isn’t exactly news, is it?”

“Apparently it is,” Merlin said as he threw his arms up in the air. “Everything’s news to me. By all accounts I’m an idiot.”

Arthur laughed softly and Merlin was tempted to get up and kick him in the back of his leg, or maybe just slump down against his bare back and breathe him in, the scent of him so familiar and dear.

“That’s hardly news either, Merlin.”

“Arthur.”

There must have been something in Merlin’s voice that told Arthur all of this was a bit more than drunken emotional rambling on Merlin’s part because he walked over to the bed and sat down so he was facing Merlin. He brushed the back of his fingers along the side of Merlin’s face.

“What?”

“Arthur, were you aware we’ve been dating since we were fourteen?”

Arthur took hold of the bottom of Merlin’s pyjama leg and shrugged. “Possibly. Yeah.”

“And you never once thought to tell me?”

“I figured you’d get there eventually.”

“But I’m an idiot,” Merlin whined. “And I’ve dated other people, _you’ve_ dated other people.”

“But I’ve only ever been with you,” Arthur said. Merlin wanted to say, no, you haven’t, but he watched as Arthur’s skin flushed and he looked away from him and realized what he meant by that. The weight of that knowledge nearly made his heart stop beating.

“You’ve never? Only me?” Merlin asked. “Why?”

There was that shrug again but Arthur’s fingers tightened their hold on Merlin’s pyjamas when he said, “I never wanted anyone else.”

“But I have, I did -,” Merlin said. “With other people.”

Arthur looked at him finally. “I never asked you not to.”

“Arthur.”

“It’s okay, Merlin, I was willing to wait.”

“But you’re the most impatient person I know.”

Arthur laughed quietly. “Yes, I know, surprising, isn’t it?”

“Surprising. Ridiculous. Stupid. Take your pick,” Merlin said as he punched Arthur in the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, you’re here now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but via Gwaine. _Gwaine_ , Arthur. Think about that.”

“Leave it to you to take the worst possible route.”

Merlin just shook his head. Arthur was impossible; completely, bloody impossible, but he was everything else too and it made Merlin’s heart ache. He reached out and pressed his fingers against the hollow at the base of Arthur’s throat just to feel the beating of his heart beneath them and to see if it matched his own.

“I love you,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur smiled that soft, secret smile that Merlin had always coveted as his own. “Yeah, I know.”

And that was that, like it was all a given, and already figured out long before they’d said anything at all. Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead before Merlin crawled into bed and waited for Arthur to brush his teeth and come back to him, to crawl in beside him so they could fall asleep together in the little house they’d built.

 

~End


End file.
